Before I became pregnant I never understood the stories I heard about women that would rather risk their own lives during their pregnancy’s then the babies. (Such as refusing chemotherapy treatment, or continuing a high risk pregnancy etc..) But, when I was pregnant with Capri that all changed and I got it. It’s this maternal instinct to protect, and this overwhelming love that grows each and every day. I would do anything for this little boy. I’ve never even seen his face, or held his hand, but I would give my life for him. Every day, I just enjoy feeling his little kicks, and wondering what his smile looks like. I wonder if he’s smiling when he hears his big sister talking to him, and saying “love you Jaxon” in her little toddler voice. He is so much a part of this family already. Yesterday I signed a card “Love- Wade, Carrington, Capri, and Jaxon”. He’s even on the cards.
How does a love like that happen? I don’t know. I’m constantly contemplating my love for Capri, and its hard for me to fathom my own love for her. I can’t even describe it, it’s like every part of me was created to love her, and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. I couldn’t grasp it (I thought I did) before I was pregnant with her, and now I can’t even describe it. It’s a total God design kind of thing. It’s from Him, and unbelievably powerful.
If I have a love in my heart that I can’t even describe for my children, it makes me wonder at the depth of God’s love for us. I’ve wondered my whole life how He could love us the way He does. In a way, having children has helped me grasp that in a small way. On the flip side of that though, it makes me stand in awe of the fact that God would sacrifice his own Son for us. And He’s not sacrificing the weak, imperfect ones that don’t love Him. He sacrificed His only Son, His perfect Son for me. Wow.
This morning I read one of my dear friends blog, and my heart got so heavy. Her name is Beth, and shortly after I met her she lost two twin boys, late-term and their names were James and Jake. Earlier this year, she miscarried another precious child. Now, she is pregnant, fresh into her second trimester and this morning, she received some concerning news from her OB. Please go there and see for yourself, and please pray for this amazing family, that has struggled and lost so much already. I know what it’s like to be in love already, and that baby is ALREADY a part of their family, just like the other three were. God is big, and prayer is powerful, and I believe we can help.
